All stars use Acai Berry to have a hot body

Subject: Re: All stars use Acai Berry to have a hot body
To: Jesus Chan

Hello Jesus,

Are you sure? Can you confirm this? I was under the impression that most of them used thermonuclear fusion as a source of heat, with main sequence stars converting hydrogen into helium, post-main sequence ones generally fusing helium into heavier elements like beryllium, carbon and oxygen. If what you're saying is true, then I think it's time to buy shares in Holland & Barrett.

best wishes,
Simon

Set Fire To Your Woman In The Bedroom

Subject: Re: Set Fire To Your Woman In The Bedroom
To: Shemika Liggins

Hi Shemika,

Thanks for your email. Sorry it's taken me a while to write back, I've been in police custody for a while and haven't had access to my computer. Anyway, thought I'd quickly write with a few updates, I know you'll be curious to know what's been happening.

Louise is out of intensive care now and seems to be doing okay, although it'll be a while before the bandages can come off, and she spends most of her time asleep. Not sure I'll get chance to see her before the court case next week, but fingers crossed.

The house is in a bit of a mess, too, and unfortunately I never got round to getting any contents insurance. Sod's law, eh! I don't think any of the neighbouring properties were damaged though, so that's good news.

Has my lawyer been in touch yet? She wanted to ask you a couple of things, so hope you don't mind but I passed your email address on so she could write to you directly. Not sure what that's about, wait and see I guess.

Okay, well, better sign off for now. Hope all's well with you.
Bye!
Simon

Watch Shop

Subject: Re: Watch Shop
To: Myra Romano

Wait, hold on - where are you going? How long will you be? I HAVE NO RETAIL EXPERIENCE! Plus I have a meeting in a couple of hours. Where are the keys? I don't even know how to work the till! What's your returns policy? WHERE ARE THE CARRIER BAGS? Isn't there anyone else you can ask?

You owe me big time for this,
Simon

Do You Still Trust Me?

Subject: Re: Do You Still Trust Me?
To: Vaughn Colon

No. Not after what you did to my dog.

It's best that you don't come round here any more.

Relax, the blue pill will do everything for you

Subject: Re: Relax, the blue pill will do everything for you
To: Floyd Griffin

Floyd,

Great news, I had no idea. Off the top of my head, here's some stuff that needs taking care of:
1. Rising damp in utility room
2. Couple of small scratches to paintwork of passenger side door of the Toyota
3. New logo for an arts-based non-profit
4. We're getting quite low on milk
5. Rob's birthday's coming up, and I haven't got him anything

#3 is pretty urgent - they want to see a first draft by Friday. Other things can wait a while.

Does it automatically know these things? Or do I have to tell it? Let me know.
Cheers,
Simon

Relaxation, Religion or Chocolate?

Subject: Re: Relaxation, Religion or Chocolate?
To: Isango

Dear Isango,

What an exquisite dilemma. I love chocolate with all my heart, but at the same time I'm also in desperate need of relaxation. Tell you what, before we go any further let's rule out religion. I don't have a great deal of interest in any of that right now, and can't imagine doing so in the near future either.

So that leaves us with chocolate or relaxation. The two remaining things are by no means mutually exlusive, of course - I often find that eating chocolate, or even smelling it, is a relaxing experience, although conversely, relaxing rarely creates chocolate. If only it did!

I think I'll go for chocolate then, please. Unless of course it's religious chocolate, in which case I'd prefer a nice box of relaxation. What happens now? Do you need my postal address?

Thanks,
Simon

It is not necessary to be ashamed of yourself

Subject: Re: It is not necessary to be ashamed of yourself
To: Rosendo Tucker

Rosendo,

You wouldn't say that if you saw what I did this morning.

Simon

Ladies Stand Out in a Crowd

Subject: Re: Ladies Stand Out in a Crowd
To: Lacey Hand

Lacey,

This isn't always true. What if it's a crowd of ladies? What if the ladies are small and somewhere near the back? What if they're dressed in camouflage? What then, Lacey? What then?

Thanks,
Simon

How much does it cost to eat in Florida?

Subject: Re: How much does it cost to eat in Florida?
To: Rex Pollard

Dear Rex,

Thank you for your enquiry. I'm pleased to tell you that eating in Florida is absolutely FREE, and there is at present no state-wide charge for the fundamental human activity of chewing and swallowing edible foodstuffs, or indeed any plan to introduce one. Food itself, however, is generally not free. Prices vary depending on the type, quality and quantity of food you wish to acquire, in addition to more subtle factors such as the location of the vendor - as a guide, you could pay anything from as little as 5 cents up to hundreds of dollars. Rest assured though, once you have successfully obtained some food, you will not have to pay again in order to eat it.

For the record, this is also true of the neighbouring states, Georgia and Alabama. As for states further afield, I couldn't say for sure, but on a personal note, I'd be surprised if their laws were any different.

I hope this sets your mind at rest.

Best wishes,
Simon

The affordable watch alternative

Subject: Re: The affordable watch alternative
To: Emory Conrad

Is it a miniature sundial?